Hi, hotshot
I am very, very silly. Because I have forgotten one very important factor to my status as writer- I AM YOUNG. And there are numerous competitions, especially and conveniently in London, to enter stories and poems into. So I'd better start searching, right? I'm so SILLY.
I should have thought of this before, considering I've entered one such competition before. Only once, but still. The Cecil Day-Lewis competition for young people. I won a certificate for the story I entered there, which I was very pleased about. Let's see if I can win something again- and maybe come a step closer to a published tome. Alright, not a tome, but something...tangible.
Something real, instead of so many half-twiddled with ideas saved into countless Word documents. This is a short post, and I'm sorry, but that's because this isn't a rant or preach-thing. This is a goal-setter. I will find a competition...
:D
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Saturday, 28 July 2012
"Where do you get your inspiration from?" and ensuing sarcasm.
Hi hotshot,
Disclaimer: I have nothing against Americans, being one myself, and I'm sorry I don't know the anthem of Zimbabwe or even if it has one.
Someone, someday, will ask me this.
Fact is, no one knows except "my brain and the world around me."
THERE IS NO POINT IN THAT QUESTION. Yet people ask it to authors so often. And I will hopefully become a published one, so...
So, my answer will be the following:
"In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, under the waves, there is a secret castle only Authors can find. In the heart of it, you must sing the macarena backwards and yodel the national anthem of Zimbabwe, after which a secret portal in the floor opens. In this portal there is a floating goblet filled with neon green gloop. You drink from this magic goblet, and when you come back home, you vomit out your book. Now guess where major motion pictures come from. I'll give you a clue; it's not the vomit."
If I'm feeling really, really sarcastic I'll add:
"When Authors get sick, they don't throw up normal vomit. They throw up sonnets and poems and descriptions. Remember that the next time you're admiring Poe's work. He had to get 'flu for that. Appreciate it."
I'm just so worried Americans would take me seriously.
Disclaimer: I have nothing against Americans, being one myself, and I'm sorry I don't know the anthem of Zimbabwe or even if it has one.
Someone, someday, will ask me this.
Fact is, no one knows except "my brain and the world around me."
THERE IS NO POINT IN THAT QUESTION. Yet people ask it to authors so often. And I will hopefully become a published one, so...
So, my answer will be the following:
"In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, under the waves, there is a secret castle only Authors can find. In the heart of it, you must sing the macarena backwards and yodel the national anthem of Zimbabwe, after which a secret portal in the floor opens. In this portal there is a floating goblet filled with neon green gloop. You drink from this magic goblet, and when you come back home, you vomit out your book. Now guess where major motion pictures come from. I'll give you a clue; it's not the vomit."
If I'm feeling really, really sarcastic I'll add:
"When Authors get sick, they don't throw up normal vomit. They throw up sonnets and poems and descriptions. Remember that the next time you're admiring Poe's work. He had to get 'flu for that. Appreciate it."
I'm just so worried Americans would take me seriously.
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Punch and virtue.
Hi, hotshots
Something I have to remind myself-
writing is not about punch, punch, punch. That leaves the reader dazed and confused (just like a real set of punches would do). It's not pleasant to read.
Writing is where you show what leads to the punch, and what the punch causes.
Anticipation seems to play a big part in it. Make the reader a masochist, in a sense. Make them want a punch, crave it, but don't let them get bored.
Get the reader on your side!
What's the fun of a book where all that happens is big crashing scenes where noting is explained and its all action and no reflection? The reader needs to care. Give the person being punched an identity.
Like...Lolly Andersen, for example, could be a name you use. Give her a personality, faults galore, and give her one virtue that means your reader will always side with her.
I wrote a short story which was never finished about a character called Cal. He was angry all the time, violent, blunt and extremely temperamental. I made him the epitome of teenage rage, sarcasm and all. But that means he was never basically never sorry for himself. He didn't whinge. I gave him a solid backbone and for that I love him.
Your character can be as flawed as you wish. He can be like Cal. A total, utter screw-up. It doesn't matter so long as s/he is interesting to read about.
That's my theory, anyway.
So:
1) No punching the reader without an explanation or context. Give them time to breath in between the blows.
2) Your characters are not there to be perfect. Perfect characters will never win your reader's heart simply because your reader is not perfect.
Something I have to remind myself-
writing is not about punch, punch, punch. That leaves the reader dazed and confused (just like a real set of punches would do). It's not pleasant to read.
Writing is where you show what leads to the punch, and what the punch causes.
Anticipation seems to play a big part in it. Make the reader a masochist, in a sense. Make them want a punch, crave it, but don't let them get bored.
Get the reader on your side!
What's the fun of a book where all that happens is big crashing scenes where noting is explained and its all action and no reflection? The reader needs to care. Give the person being punched an identity.
Like...Lolly Andersen, for example, could be a name you use. Give her a personality, faults galore, and give her one virtue that means your reader will always side with her.
I wrote a short story which was never finished about a character called Cal. He was angry all the time, violent, blunt and extremely temperamental. I made him the epitome of teenage rage, sarcasm and all. But that means he was never basically never sorry for himself. He didn't whinge. I gave him a solid backbone and for that I love him.
Your character can be as flawed as you wish. He can be like Cal. A total, utter screw-up. It doesn't matter so long as s/he is interesting to read about.
That's my theory, anyway.
So:
1) No punching the reader without an explanation or context. Give them time to breath in between the blows.
2) Your characters are not there to be perfect. Perfect characters will never win your reader's heart simply because your reader is not perfect.
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
The writer rambling.
Hi, hotshots
I try to find INSPIRATION by reading. Not to philander, but because the funny thing is, whenever I go into a bookstore I feel like I can write. Because all these other authors have done it, why can't I? Likewise, reading has a more diluted effect of that. I feel like I can make something just as good, all of my own. Maybe that's silly or naïve, but it helps on days when inspiration and lady muse are off having a tea party without me. New experiences trigger my inspiration, as do reading newspaper articles, sketching, listening to music and riding my bicycle around. Never from movies, though. I guess because it's a different medium..? Eh. I like to write about people with flaws, or with terrible pasts that almost literally cripple them. I don't like writing Mary-Sues (I find it boring and emotionless), nor do I like people who are perfectly okay and get tossed into a world they don't know. I wan m main character suffering. But never self-pitying or self-loathing- that removes the rawness of it. Does it make me a sadist? I don't think so. I just love the rush of writing emotions into things. Pure and primal, emotions. They're all I love books for, the way you can translate human states of being into ink on paper. Miraculous, no? I write in both firs and third person. Firs person is useful because the reader is plunged into the Character's skin with no effort; they're in the scene immidiatley. But third person has its perks, too. It has more detail, and can have multiple points of view easily to round off a story. My worst habit is not finishing stories. My best is conveying emotion. I want to be a writer. And there, that's one point- I. Want. to be a writer. Not "would like". "Would like" never got a story written. You have to want it, have it in your head, do at least one thing a day to bring you closer to that goal. Determination, goddamn it.
I try to find INSPIRATION by reading. Not to philander, but because the funny thing is, whenever I go into a bookstore I feel like I can write. Because all these other authors have done it, why can't I? Likewise, reading has a more diluted effect of that. I feel like I can make something just as good, all of my own. Maybe that's silly or naïve, but it helps on days when inspiration and lady muse are off having a tea party without me. New experiences trigger my inspiration, as do reading newspaper articles, sketching, listening to music and riding my bicycle around. Never from movies, though. I guess because it's a different medium..? Eh. I like to write about people with flaws, or with terrible pasts that almost literally cripple them. I don't like writing Mary-Sues (I find it boring and emotionless), nor do I like people who are perfectly okay and get tossed into a world they don't know. I wan m main character suffering. But never self-pitying or self-loathing- that removes the rawness of it. Does it make me a sadist? I don't think so. I just love the rush of writing emotions into things. Pure and primal, emotions. They're all I love books for, the way you can translate human states of being into ink on paper. Miraculous, no? I write in both firs and third person. Firs person is useful because the reader is plunged into the Character's skin with no effort; they're in the scene immidiatley. But third person has its perks, too. It has more detail, and can have multiple points of view easily to round off a story. My worst habit is not finishing stories. My best is conveying emotion. I want to be a writer. And there, that's one point- I. Want. to be a writer. Not "would like". "Would like" never got a story written. You have to want it, have it in your head, do at least one thing a day to bring you closer to that goal. Determination, goddamn it.
Saturday, 23 June 2012
failPod
Hi, hotshots
Reasons why I want a new iPod to replace my current one:
(in nice clear format, in order of irritation levels caused with 1 being quite mild, and 5... well.)
1. The new iPod looks cooler. Except for the iPod Touch, I don;'t know why but it irritates me. It's trying to be an iPhone, it's not quite as good as an iPhone. It's an iPhone that doesn't make calls. What? What's the point?
2. I called it 'Titanic', 'Matchbox Mansion', and 'Spindler', just to watch them sync (sink, get it? Yeah...). The first is a clear reference, the other two were boats I made out of conker shells, leaves and twigs when I was living by a canal. This isn't really a reason, but I think syncing it as the Titanic might have been a bad omen from the start.
It is now called failPod.
3. It's stuck in a language I don't understand or recognize. With words like ""hubda"". This is slightly embarrassing. And I need to keep explaining that I am not bilingual. I'm just good at ruining technology. It refuses to revert to English, no matter how much I beg, and is probably sulking at me for reason 4.
Good riddance.
Reasons why I want a new iPod to replace my current one:
(in nice clear format, in order of irritation levels caused with 1 being quite mild, and 5... well.)
1. The new iPod looks cooler. Except for the iPod Touch, I don;'t know why but it irritates me. It's trying to be an iPhone, it's not quite as good as an iPhone. It's an iPhone that doesn't make calls. What? What's the point?
2. I called it 'Titanic', 'Matchbox Mansion', and 'Spindler', just to watch them sync (sink, get it? Yeah...). The first is a clear reference, the other two were boats I made out of conker shells, leaves and twigs when I was living by a canal. This isn't really a reason, but I think syncing it as the Titanic might have been a bad omen from the start.
It is now called failPod.
3. It's stuck in a language I don't understand or recognize. With words like ""hubda"". This is slightly embarrassing. And I need to keep explaining that I am not bilingual. I'm just good at ruining technology. It refuses to revert to English, no matter how much I beg, and is probably sulking at me for reason 4.
4. I try putting new songs onto it and it panics, the bastard totally loses it. This is because my iPod is old hipster generation, and it has the same memory capacity as a squirrel trying to remember where it left last season's nuts.
4 1/2. It genuinely does forgets songs. What kind of iPod is this?!
4 1/4. Seriously. It holds maybe half a song at a time. Slight exaggeration.
5. My iPod randomly switches itself off, and refuses to come back to life without overnight charging. My laziness is now proved to be contagious.
Good riddance.
Thursday, 17 May 2012
van Gogh's ear sorted out.
Hi, hotshots
A recent conversation with a friend went like this:
A recent conversation with a friend went like this:
"Ah... Van Gogh." (me)
"Isn't that the guy who chopped off his own ear?"
"I... Not...why does everyone ask that?"
Look, people. The guy was a great painter. Can we get over his ear?
Or lack of it?
I thought I may as well impart what really happened so that his art will be remembered more than his body parts. That sounded better in my head.
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED:
(dramatic space)
It wasn't his whole ear, for starters. It was the lobe of his left ear. Not all of it. Okay? Okay. His family had a history of mental illness, and he suffered from acute mania and epilepsy. After an argument with his artist-friend Paul Gauguin, he was in a fit of rage and cute off part of his ear to symbolize the end of their friendship. The reasoning behind that was something like Gauguin being "deaf" to his needs.
Get it? Ear, deaf...
And then just to really make a point, van Gogh put his ear-bit in an envelope and handed it over to some chick called Rachel, a brothel wench.
Okay?
Okay.
Glad we sorted that out.
Thursday, 15 March 2012
The whirlpool
Hi, hothots
Don't you just hate when this happens?:
All the images of what the story could be like flash over your head, all the possible characters and scenes, the possibilities, the potentia-
And then you get a pen and paper, and everything comes out in a muddled mess that looks like a dictionary just had a seizure on an A4 notepad.
This is the point when I usually try to discern what on earth I've just written down. Of course it makes sense in separate components, but together? What? Just..no.
It makes no sense, and the whirlpool has left me with a string of mismatched concepts, taking away the thread that held it all together. A load of ink and paper with so many half-ideas and no actual solid material to work with.
I think my muse has diarrhea.
Don't you just hate when this happens?:
All the images of what the story could be like flash over your head, all the possible characters and scenes, the possibilities, the potentia-
And then you get a pen and paper, and everything comes out in a muddled mess that looks like a dictionary just had a seizure on an A4 notepad.
This is the point when I usually try to discern what on earth I've just written down. Of course it makes sense in separate components, but together? What? Just..no.
It makes no sense, and the whirlpool has left me with a string of mismatched concepts, taking away the thread that held it all together. A load of ink and paper with so many half-ideas and no actual solid material to work with.
I think my muse has diarrhea.
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